It's ended~

Hmmm..had been away for quite some time. Now i realize that when i write a blog is always related to relationships..^^

LOVE in my life is a NOTHING right now. I'm not longing for it...I dun really WANT IT. yea...last time i was like i cant live without a bf. But now..i realize what i did was just so childish.

can i say that i dun really believe and have confidence in guys anymore. When they say they are DIFFERENT, and they are really not that much DIFFERENT actually! They are just the SAME! At the first stage they will be so good...just like the guy that u longing for so long...but after all u will only realize that is just ur nightmare. ><

After all these hurtful experience. what i hated the most is not guys...is MEMORIES. I dislike surprises....i dislike touching memories. Cause when it ended..all these memories will just flow in to ur minds without stopping or without an end. It only brings wounds and not happiness. At first when he gives me surprises and really touch me....honestly...yea..it really touches me...But i do feel sad too...cause i scare these happiness will bring sadness to me in the end.

FATE

Now i really understand that fate is come naturally also is not made. This morning while i was going for my class. I know that i'll passby his lecture hall..but i din expect that i'll get to see him. I was just finding his car, i scan my eyes throughout the place but i cant see his car. And then i realize that they is a car parking. Ans is the model of car he's driving. I dare not look at the person in the car at that time. And i ask my friend to help to to take a look. It was really him. I just wave and like saying a hi to him...and he did it too..At that time he's still inside the car, i thought of stopping awhile to just talk with him. But in the end after waving then i just walk off to go for my class d.

After that i really felt regret that y i din talk with him. I miss him so much and i've been wanting to see him so badly. But i've lost that chance...That time i just feel like crying. I know our relationship had ended. But he still can treat me as his friend without thinking that i'm his ex rite? Why i can think like that but he couldn't? Just dun really understand.

Today i'm happy is not just because that i met him. The another thing that y i'm so happy that i met him is cause this is the first time we meet in college(not including prom night). Is there really fate between us?No matter what..whether i really lost the chance to talk with him..I believe that if we have the fate. We surely will meet each other some other day. I just hope we can back like good friends.

Friends Forever^^

Busy busy day =(

Today was a busy day for me...
yesterday night i didn't get to sleep well. And my class start at 11.30. Wednesday is just another busy day for me. 3 class in a day. Phew...><
Today i stayed at the college citc for so long..just to finished my software assignment. I really hate that subject so much...every week it's making me angry...but i just need to endure for few more weeks then i get to say bye bye to this subject.haha....=P

Today after completing the and printing out the assignment...my head is turning round and round....my mind is totally blank..cant think of anything....just feel like fainting. Then i just get some rest...then only feel better..

After that i join my classmate for dinner....'OLD TOWN'..haha...i realise that i starts to love old town...just cause of that person. Hmm...and i learn to drink 'si mat nai cha'. He introduce that drink to me..and he likes it very much too....everytime we go old town he also order that. When i go to places that both of us went b4...i sure thinks of him.

Just cant leave my mind....

it's just another day of missing.

I thought that i've totally forgotten everything...can let go everything...forget bout him and this and that.
But actually day and night, i'm always thinking of him...every single day...wake up till going to sleep....i even dream of him too...really that miss him?
what can i do ? No matter how i miss him...i also wanna control myself to not to find him. Cause i scare of rejection and ignorance. Miss him also cant tell him. It's really very suffer..why i just cant let go everything and moved on with my life?
I dunno how much i love him..but...i know it's not that little....is deep inside.
Can i wait for him? Is there still a chance for us?
He really touched my heart and tat makes me falls for him at first.
If can, i hope that all these things din happen before....if at first we really appreciate each other...

i'll always put u in my heart...<3

it's just another day of missing.

It's over

Kinda feeling better these few days...the reason for it was because i finally can let go of everything and just lead a happy life. There's lot of things happening around me since last December. But now..after everything is being settled.I finally can have some rest.
After getting all the hurts again and again...i decided that i wanted a break...i need to heal the wounds of my heart. Sometimes i just feel myself being so stupid and naive. Believes people easily. I learn a lesson.

Yesterday night i get to know all the truth...all the ugly truth. Although all the words really hurts me...but i never cry...not even drop a single tears...I've learn to be strong. Shouldn't have cried for someone that not worth it. All the hurts all the things that i gone through really builds my character. I keep all the hurts inside and just let my heart cry. I had to be strong to not not lose to the person.

I'll be strong and keep moving on...^^

Just another day

I'm unhappy and moody again...lots of things are happening around me. There is a guy tat come across my mind. We just get to know each other on the 3rd of Dec 2010. Tat was the first time both of us chat, although we know each other exist. So we get to know each other more after tat day and exchange phone number. Sometimes he do sms me, but tat time i din really bother him much..but i still reply his message.

An one day he say that he wanted to date me out. So we went to yamcha... tat was the first day we really talk to each other face to face. At first seeing this person i thought tat he wasn't the person tat i really like. But after getting in touch more often..i think i fall for him ald. I like his character...he's a funny person...always make me laugh. And i remember got once, he said something tat make me laugh till i cry. That was just so funny...couldn't resist it.^^

So we went to places like, feeling cafe, old town, steven corner, snow bliss, pavilion, we went to play snooker too. I remember tat time we first went to steven corner...i order milo ice. and after sipping for 5 min...then i realised there's something inside the milo...guess what??Is a DEAD FLY!!! You just cant imagine how disgusting it was. And he laugh bout tat... and we just couldn't forget that incident. haha....

Hmmm....i thought we really love each other...but it ald ended. Cause there's something more important for him to do. I accept and agree with what he wants to focus. But at that point i do feel tat why he just cant focus both things at the same time. It is not that hard....
But he ald choose tat path...

Yesterday while i was watching a drama... there is a girl in the scene tat just same with me...same situation. In the scene... the guy actually really loves the girl very much, but because of something that is more important to him....he gave up the girl...The girl starts to realized tat he was treating her so coldly and she dun even knows what's happening. She consulted that guy's friend and ask him what happen. The friend just told the girl tat actually she ald understand what's happening...she just cant accept it...and even if she continue to ask...the end will still be the same. That guy ald make his decision...there's no turning back. The situation is just the same as what i'm going through right now.

I just hope tat i can get over all these as fast as possible...every single day i'm thinking of him and feeling moody. I want back my happy life. All the best to me...<3

Hurts??

It has been 1 year d. Time really flies....
Thinking back of how i've gone through the difficult times last year. ='(

leaving someone and forgetting someone that u really love, and putting so much hope with that person really needs a lot of time. At first, thought that i cant lives without him. Really really need him.....everyday thinking bout him, cry cause of him. In the end all these causes my heart to have a wound. A deep deep wound. Seems like nobody can ever help me to heal it..not even myself!

Thinking back bout that time, i really feel myself being very stupid and stubborn. Know that it will hurt me in the end but i still fall into it. After being like that for quite long, i've decided to give up...decided to let go. and i did....din really think bout him much although we still gt contact with each other.

After all these things that i've gone through, i realised that i've changed. No longer like the previous Esther. Izit a good thing??? I feel like i've lost myself....cant find it back anymore.
Can somebody pls take away the hurts and heal my wound?? I don't wanna be so suffer. I wan back myself!

ReLaTiOnShIpS????

Have been away from writing blog for quite some time. Today decide to write bout this topic...
--------------------------------RELATIONSHIPS------------------------------------

Today, i just get to know that both of me seniors had broken up. Both of them has been together for more than 4 years i think...But now they broke up..i feel surprised when i heard bout it. Sometimes i'm thinking whether relationship is a long-term thingy or not....when u really love a person with all ur heart...there always will happen something that wasn't what u wanted....
It's always hard for a girl and a guy to be together....but it's so so so easy for them to just to say 'break up' and say 'bye bye' to each other....

It takes how long for a person to recover from the HURTS & SADNESS??
for me....it really took a long time for me to think through and get away from all the hurts that are poking into my heart. Now....i feel i'm no longer what i used to be....i feel myself change!! Change to be worse....

To every couple: If u decided to start a relationship with someone that u had fell in love with....pls love them with all ur heart...and if there's really any problem between both of u....u should talk it out with each other....dun drag things....it will be worse!!
God Bless!!!^^

Feeling Sad..=(

This sem break is kinda bored to me...but also there are some moments that is very interesting.This sem break i feel is a time for me to really find back myself and thinks through problems.

This week is the mid - autumn festival. And i get to know that one of my friend is having a party in her house. And i didn't get invited....i really feel leftout. I've stand all this for so long. And i finally find my friend to ask her and tell her how i feel. The reason i didn't get invited is cause they ald ask another person go d...so they can't ask me. I really dunno whats the prob of two going together. I know we may need to face each other..but what's the problem? In the end we still need to face each other right? And what my friend say was that i cant just think of myself (selfish)....but did i really selfish? All these while i've make the first move to do good to that person...but what i get in return is just zero...am i really the one who is selfish?? But i feel that the person is more selfish than me... cause of her, and the stubbornness... make our friends suffer....and cause of her hatred against me, i cant get together with my other friends...cause of her i've no longer have a true friend there....I really very hurt and very sad bout all these....

It makes me hard and dunno how to face all of them anymore....just feel like running away and get off from that hostel and that college....so that i can start a new life. But i cant get rid of the truth..the truth is i need to face them for one more year. How i get to overcome all these??

I really appreciate the friend...she is my best friend....and in the end we become like enemy. I know i've did things that she doesn't like before....but....everyone did wrong things b4 right?? Who don't deserved to be forgiven? And she also did things that i doesn't like....ya...i admit that sometimes i really hate the way she do things in front of me....i even have the thought of saying out everything...but i just cant do it...cause..i still treat her as my friend...my best friend..
Think back last time we are really so good....think back every happy moments....i really feel very sad u know....but i just feel u r so cold blooded towards me..make me feel scary....

If this is the fate that me and u should become like enemy then i'll just face the truth....But i dun believe it's fate....and God won't do such thing also...I'll just believe in God...and let him do the rest....

fRiEnDsHiP....

Today i would like to talk bout friendship.,...actually i really have a lot of issue bout 'FRIENDSHIP'! Does everyone really know what is friendship and what is friends mean????

I feel sometimes friend that are really close with use aren't that good...

some of them is really FAKE(I dare to say this)....

they say others r fake...but what bout themselves??

They are more fake okay???I can't stand this anymore....especially......(i'm nt going to say this here)

one min u can be very happy and say that u like got a lot of friends...

one min u can say u dun have friends!!Do u really appreciate ur friend????

i mean friend that are really care bout u!!

i can acc u when there is no one.....but if there's someone???

will u think bout me???NO!!!!
I was really HURT by it ok??I ald fed up in saying so much things....

i ald fed up with this friendship.I no longer can stand u...

.i'll just IGNORE...And pls.....when there is no one...pls dun ask me...

u have no RIGHTS to call me "FRIEND"!


FRIENDS FOREVER!!!

I believe that there are friends that is really good.....

i really wanna thanks those friend for being good to me^^

i really do appreciate them a lot

although may be there are times that v will argue and a lot of disagreement

but all this is part of friendship (all kinds of relationship too)

I wish our friendship will last forever.....=)

A bored Holiday...

hmmmm....started my 4th sem break...still got one more year to go ler....
everything is moving very fast^^
i hope this sem break will be a happy and fun holiday for me..=)

hmmm.....now i started a new lfe..i love it...i'ver been kinda optimistic nowadays, so it is a good thing right??
this few weeks i been thinking through this word 'true happiness and mere happiness'
now i can differentiate it. True happiness is come from inside ur heart...no matter what happen...no matter how difficult that situation is..u also will me happy....(from inside)!
mere happiness is just temporary....ya...make u happy..but that is not long lasting.and when a person laugh or smile,doesn't mean that he or she is happy.This is from my point of view.

Now i would comment something about friendship.....haiz...talk bout this i just feel very dissapointed....thought i really had good friends in college..but i realize all of the stuff that i thought bout all this time is just fake!!some of the friend are just using u...
when they dun have other friends to accompany...and there's only u..they will ask u to go here go there with them...but when there's other friend...they wont even bother u...
when u having probs....some of them will run away from u....is that call 'friends'??
NO!!!!!

26.6.2010

Now is 2.50am, feeling a bit tired but still not willing to go to bed....(silly right?).Hmmm...whats bout my day today....
Let me start from this morning..^^

Erm...this morning i actually skipped my lecture which is start at 8am!!!I hate this lecture..so early in the morning..i rather lay on bed..wakaka...i'm so lazy..=P
I wake up at 10.30 am this morning and prepare for my class. After the class me and one of my friend pack our luggage bag and wanted to go back hometown d..but v decided to go jusco to have a lunch at McDonald...honestly..it was so FULL!!! Nearly cant walk..hahaha...
So after finished eating, v walk to take bus and bla bla bla [i'm not going to explain the whole journey, just to make the story short ^^]..okay..and in the end i reached my house...and bla bla bla again...until now...hmmm...actually i really miss him a lot..but he's very tired,so cant chat with me for long. So he went to sleep and i decided top write this blog.=)

Both of us really less sms with each other ald...like just few days chat a while like that. Sometimes really miss him sooooo much!!!But i just tell myself to control. I remember one day while i'm sleeping i dream of him...after i woke up...i very very very miss him again...and the feel is like if i still dun sms him..i think i'm going to cry out...[is there something wrong with my mind?]

Can i tell u something here???

I REALLY LOVE U VERY MUCH!!!

1.6.2010

Now is 5 am..nowadays i always sleep very late and wake up very late too....cauxe every night also online with my friend.

Today my day is feel with joy of cause....i went out to 'cari makan' with my classmate...really eat until very full and i enjoy eating those DELICIOUS food too...YUMMY!!!HAHA...
After having dinner, i suggested to go to a park or some sort of 'garden'...and finally we reached this beautiful park...actually i suggested to go to a park or garden is because i wanted to have fresh air and let myself forgot about my unhappiness....watch the night...the sky....the stars(although is only one or two..=P)....i feel myself being led away...and i feel better...

I wanted to have a new life....a happy life with friends around...gather together and go 'wet'...Is better than staying in the hostel and sleep sleep sleep...and think of silly stupid things....hmm...i hope all that will be over for me after some time....i hope i can go through it...jia you...^^

15.5.2010

Now is 2 something again....nowadays got the habit of sleeping late..

Today i went out with my primary school classmate..it was great and i really enjoy spending time with them. They consider as my childhood friend...during the gathering...we took a lot of pics with each other and also celebrated one of my friend's birthday. I think she is really surprised by that..cause her bd wasn't today. I reached house around 12.30am...i was so nervous and scare that my mom would scold me...haiz...but..just forget bout that..haha

Today, he was a bit unhappy and moody....may be is because i said something that he doesn't like...but i really dunno that he doesn't like bout that....actually i really miss him a lot..and wanted to talk to him on the phone..but both of our phone also less credit ald. Actually i wanted to tell him that i miss him and wanted to talk to him....but i think by saying that doesn't help me anything, so i rather just not to say it...I hope he will be ok after having a good night rest.

14.5.2010

This is the first time i'm writing a blog...=)

Now is 2 something and i'm still awake...dunno y i couldn't sleep nowadays..Am i thinking of those things again??Sometimes i tell myself not to think too much bout those things since i'm not in a hurry..and i still got plenty of time. Now i should just enjoy myself and enjoy my everyday life. Thinking bout those problems will just make me suffer. But sometimes i just couldn't control myself from thinking.

All those memories came back to me day by day...it cross my mind every time when i go to places which both of us go before. I really hope those days will be back again....but i know even if it would to happen..it also wont be so fast...is ald been 4 months...and i'm still waiting...but i dunno how long i will have to wait. For years???Hmm....i hope i can know exactly how long i have to wait. I dunno how long i'll be able to wait..but i'll try..

My feelings towards him is not the same as 4 months ago....it is not that strong anymore....but there's still some in my heart..i know i couldn't let go...